In the last little while I've been attempting a bit of citizen science around grieving.
Namely, can shoes fill the voice of a dead husband?
I do love a pair of shoes.
Pete knew this. He did not understand it.
He may have rolled his eyes more than once when I would show him my phone with a pair of shoes on it saying "aren't these awesome?" and he would look confused and say "they're shoes … "
Pete had 5 pairs of shoes - Boots (x2) runners, thongs and boat shoes he bought back in the 90s when they were in fashion. They still fitted. He didn't see the point in throwing them out simply because they were no longer fashionable …
He didn't understand men's shoe fashion because he wore boots with everything.
But while he declared that he didn't understand women's fascination with shoes, he was also pretty good at pointing out when the shoes I'd chosen or was trying to choose didn't match or flatter an outfit.
And he was also be perfectly happy if I had purchased new shoes for an outfit and was dressed nicely standing beside him on his arm.
So we had a reasonable understanding around my Imelda Marcos tendencies for buying shoes - as long as it wasn't outrageous and take food off the table - he would accept that I was going to buy new shoes.
Since he has died, I attempted some retail therapy in this regard.
We were in Melbourne and I couldn't choose between some shoes so I thought "bugger it, I'll just get them all … let's see if shopping fills the void."
I walked out of Myer looking like someone out of Sex and the City with bags and bags of shoeboxes hanging off my arms.
Then a shoe shop I follow on Facebook put up a photo of the most divine red suede boots and I knew I would need to get them.
For all my shoe-loving tendencies, there is a special place reserved for red shoes.
I have no idea why.
But last year, I saw some similar in a shop and Pete chucked about my gushing over red boots and then questioned my actual need for them.
This year, there was no one to question me and I absolutely had a need for them - to fill the void.
When I wore them, one of my friends' husband said they looked like Wonder Woman boots.
So now I wear them when I need to feel like Wonder Woman.
Seven pairs of shoes in, though, and I think I can make a fairly accurate hypothesis on this scientific endeavour.
Can buying shoes fill the void of a dead husband?
No.
But I really do think that Pete would be disappointed if I didn't really commit to the cause and gave up too soon … so I think I might just have to keep this experiment open for a bit longer.
Comentarios