Monty Python movies aren't generally viewed as inspirational.
But for now, I think I'm going to view them as such ... for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, because when strapped to a cross and facing crucifixion in The Life of Brian the cast are singing 'always look on the bright side of life...'
But also for the Black Knight scene in The Holy Grail movie of 'tis but a scratch .. merely a flesh wound.'
While The Fuckening might have lost some of it's brutal gut punch, it continues.
Going back to do doing things on my own and the kids has been challenging, and it's been a learning curve. In some ways good, and some ways bad.
I blame Pete. I mean, for a lot of the learning it's the simple fact that I was in a loving relationship between the ages of 20 and 39 which has meant I just do not posses some of the life experiences others have.
But I am now looking for ways to find the positives in new ways: enter Monty Python quotes.
This is largely due to the fact I can't pass off the fact my blood pressure is crossing some serious levels as 'a bit of stress' anymore and I am going to have to actually deal with it.
Apparently it's quite serious. Bit like this really ...
Don't worry, I AM actually taking it seriously!!
But a psychologist appointment after I found out that really and truly I need to take a good hard look at things, and need to get it down in whatever way, shape or form I can, suggested I try and take this diagnosis as 'an opportunity'...
'An opportunity', he suggested, "to make those changes necessary.."
Which brings me back to the crucifixion and the knight skit.
I need to look at what I'm dealing with as 'tis but a scratch' while hopping around with blood pressure blowing up machines even while asleep.
The psych did suggest him trying to upsell me the positives of what I'm dealing with was a bit like him being a dodgy second hand car salesman ... so we could both see the humour in something that is quite ridiculous.
The reality of it is, I need to get it sorted.
I am not just single parenting ... I am the ONLY parent. And blood pressure like this is not amazing and can lead to dire consequences.
That considered alone sent me into a burst of tears.
It's a legitimate fear ONLY parents have - orphaning your kids.
But the other reality is, is that I am actually the only one who can do anything about it.
Once again, the load is borne by me.
*insert emoji that looks like this ...
It is actually only me who can fix my own self. And I have wallowed in that self pity for a bit about this ... on top of everything else, I have to do more.
It is a very annoying and frustrating and exhausting reality.
It is, obviously, also something I will do.
Not because I should, but because I have to.
And I will.
But for a little while, it took me a bit to get my head around the 'trying to find the positives' ... which is how we got to Monty Python.
Monty Python movies are quite ridiculous, but also very very clever.
I'd like to think my life is somewhat similar ... I have definitely enjoyed one more wafer ... and I do hope people watch my life and laugh with me.
Joke aside, I was so utterly devastated when the doctor didn't just tell me the high blood pressure readings were just a glitch and everything was ok, I just wanted the floor to open up.
I didn't want to have to deal with anything else. It definitely feels like I've had enough of that.
Annoyingly, however, the Dr and then the psychologist reminded me that for the most part its all treatable.
Even if it requires effort on my part.
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